Relationship funny quotes

- Oscar Wilde Yield to temptation. - Billy Wilder INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY. It may not pass your way again. - Mark Twain I feel the need to express something, but I don't know what it is I want to express. - Will Rogers A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. - Oscar Wilde It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - James Dewar Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. - the movie Forrest Gump Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. A dating game markiplier. Somerset Maugham Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends. A good friend will help you move a dead body. - Winston Churchill Everyone should have at least two friends - one to talk to and one to talk about. You can distort them later. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. - Mae West Do the right thing. what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. - Mae West She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends. - Anonymous Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. - George Bernard Shaw Life is like a ten speed bicycle. mostly sweet with a few nuts. Hastings dating sites. - Oscar Wilde I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. Schulz A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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. - Angelina Jolie We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Oliver Wendell Holmes One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. - Mark Twain Minds are like parachutes. - Walter Kerr Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. - Garrison Keillor When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Bertrand Russell Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Relationship funny quotes. - Groucho Marx Minds are like parachutes. - Anonymous True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. even when you're thirty-three and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.

Funny Quotes | 4,200 Funny Quotes and Sayings

. - Mark Twain Jealousy is all the fun you think they had. - Oscar Wilde Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first. - Napoleon Bonaparte Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. - Ogden Nash Clothes make the man. - Mel Brooks Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Mae West Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Most of us have gears we never use. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Heinlein You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. Mail tips to friends with complete privacy for your email address and theirs. - Eva Gabor Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Amelia Earhart Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. - Samuel Butler Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

If He would just speak to me once. - Mark Twain Get the facts first. - Erica Jong Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. Relationship funny quotes. - Benjamin Franklin A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. - Woody Allen Life is like a sewer. - Bette Midler There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. That is what reform schools are for. See my collection of Cute Quotes. - Mark Twain It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. You never know what you're gonna get. - Woody Allen Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. - Robert Frost Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. All tips are categorized and ranked with the vote of the readers only the top ranked tips are mailed to you. - Mark Twain It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. Mencken Heaven must be an awfully dull place if your best friends end up elsewhere. -Erica Jong All people know the same truth. - Robert Heinlein An old friend will help you move. - Henny Youngman The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you. - Charlie Brown in Charles Schulz' Peanuts comic Oh, if only God would give me some sign. - Anonymous Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support. - Jim Hayes Apology is only egotism wrong side out. - Mark Twain When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time. - George Eliot The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. - Bess Myerson Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Relationship psychology. - Anonymous Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier. - Mark Twain Don't underestimate your abilities, that's your boss's job. - Israel Zangwill The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Minnie Pearl God writes a lot of comedy. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. - Anonymous Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Ogden Nash One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Anonymous It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. They only function when they are open. - Will Rogers Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. - Isaac Asimov Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain. - George Eliot Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. Doctors think she may be faking. - Rita Rudner I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. I should have asked for a jury. - John Leonard It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Bob Hope A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. - Anonymous Love is loving what your lover loves. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun." - The Maugles A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Rita Rudner When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Ralph Waldo Emerson It takes a long time to grow an old friend. - Oscar Wilde The four most important words in any marriage."I'll do the dishes." - Anonymous The lack of money is the root of all evil. Relationship with jesus. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. - Dalai Lama Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

101 Relationship Quotes | LexiYoga

. - Anonymous Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. - Bernard Meltzer A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Tom Lehrer Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not. - Mark Twain Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Stanislaw Jerszy Lec A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet. - Grace Hansen A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love. I just need proof to back it up. - Anonymous Funny Quotes and Sayings about Life People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Truman Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. - Rita Rudner I truly believe that happiness is possible. - Anonymous Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable. - Anonymous Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. It is never of any use to oneself. - Mae West Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. - Napoleon Bonaparte Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable. the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Erich Segal We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. - Lord Chesterfield My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - James Dewar When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Stupid is as stupid does. - Anonymous Families are like fudge. - Mark Twain No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Oscar Wilde Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Anonymous A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. - Mark Twain Don't let schooling interfere with your education. Mencken What we got here is. - Oscar Wilde I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. - Mark Twain The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. - Michel Eyquem De Montaigne Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done. - Benjamin Franklin The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on