I'm dating a narcissist

Some of your resistance will be innate, but the majority of resistance is that which is learned and applied. Remember, in our eyes, you are an object, a possession and we are entitled to treat you as we want.

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. By speaking to us you have signalled that you will answer the phone and engage. You have no need to test your immunity because you are not immune. The Mid Range Narcissist may well acknowledge that what they have done is unpleasant and hurtful and rather than blame-shift on to the victim as described above, they transfer culpability to something else. The Lesser Narcissist The Lesser Narcissist will not deny the behaviour that you complain of. If possible, we may take you to one side and warn you to keep away or else. You want to salvage what you can from the wreckage and build something anew. Your challenging of our perceived , the challenge to our entitlement, the paranoia-stoked rebellion to our necessary means that if you scream at the Lesser Narcissist that he is a hateful, abusive bastard means you issue Challenge Fuel. Nevertheless, the Lesser Narcissist will interpret your allegation as one which is challenging his or her entitlement to treat you precisely as he or she sees fit. No finger tip bruising from the Mid Range hand about the neck.

How to safely leave an abusive relationship - Terri Cole - Real Love Revolution 2017

. If you are a former dirty little secret that we have dis-engaged from then different considerations apply. Our silence is used to convey contempt. The Lesser does not recognise that this behaviour is wrong. The longer silence is the imposition of our cold fury as you are banished to a sustained silent treatment. Perhaps it is a birthday party, a wedding anniversary dinner, a BBQ or drinks at a friends. We use silence to hurt you, warn you, scold you and indicate you have overstepped the mark. Of course, as I have explained above, you think you are becoming more resistant because you have an encounter with us and you walk away head held high thinking you handled it well. Moreover, it is your punishment for letting me down. If you decide to engage with us we will be polite and move away with the new IPPS. Misperception is also used. There is also a good dose of projection in these responses too. You are never to speak of what goes on between you and I to anyone else.

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. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. Things aren’t always what they seem.  I’m the most honest liar you will ever meet. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. Advertisements The use of and imposition of silence are two of the most powerful weapons in our abusive arsenal. You are to be seen but only heard when I deem it necessary. They are not programmed to do that as they have no emotional empathy. That is not going to happen with me. Of course whilst we see this as an almost noble way to abuse you, it remain abuse nevertheless. You will then receive malign hoovers thereafter for your audacity. We want to upset you and draw fuel from you, from a distance. You may very well be able to take a telephone call from us and not react to what we say you may even feel nothing for us – no pity, no love or no hate. That was the agreement when we got together. The very fact you are engaging with us when you think that you are immune, means that your  emotional thinking is working, because of course logic would tell you that you have no need to engage with us. He or she cannot empathise with your pain and hurt, instead he or she will only see the need to increase it in order to exert control and gain more fuel. In other instances, this mediocrity is found to be stifling. You must therefore always be resisting. There are of course a whole host of reasons why the victim may fail to recognise what is happening to them and indeed act on any awareness that does occur, but those are points to address in a separate article. If you think that you are immune to us, you are succumbing to emotional thinking. That is why I now expect you to fail and have that gun to hand at all times. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay. The Greater acts with plausible deniability.

The Greater Narcissistknows the behaviour is abusive and sees it as entirely necessary to the fulfilment of his or her aims, namely control, and The Prime Aims. We want to keep you available for taking off the shelf again at some future point and see no need to be malign. I did not give you my all because I loved you. By obeying this golden rule, you will avoid the complacency and risk which comes with thinking you are immune. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. You can beg and plead with me, you can point out how you will always only ever have eyes for me, you can express your love, desire, adoration and admiration on an hourly basis but there comes a point when it just does not have that sweetness anymore. However, if you remain bristling because you were dis-engaged from and you start to question us or cause difficulties, we may well move you to one side to keep you under control and preserve the façade. Thus, we are getting something we want. Make a point to a Lesser that he or she does not like, you can expect, as a minimum to be treated to the eloquent response of “fuck off”, a punch to the face or quite possibly both. The Greater Narcissist also lacking emotional empathy, guilt or remorse sees what they do as a function. Such is the intoxicating power of the golden period, such is the addiction of this utterly falsified state of affairs, such is the massive attraction of that seemingly perfect love, you try your damnedest to resurrect it. You try to carry on as if nothing has happened but you know that people will be wondering why we are not speaking to you. Instead, you may think you have gained some power through achieving this admission, but you actually have a sword of Damocles hanging over your head now, reminding you of the threat attached to acquiring this power. If you are not on the shelf and instead you were a Former Shelf IPSS who we dis-engaged from, then we are unlikely to engage direct with you because there will be a concern that you will cause trouble with our new IPPS. You had hoped that by keeping me sweet and onside through a dazzling and tireless display of love, affection and admiration you had hoped to avoid such an attack. I sense your dismay as you read this. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. If you approach us, we will engage with you in a benign manner and it is likely that you will behave in such a way also because there is no IPPS. You even begin to sacrifice pieces of yourself in order to try to bring it back. Moreover, it is easy to get someone to admire and adore. Some of you have a very low resistance, others far higher, but whichever it is, this resistance, just like the functioning of your own resistance to disease, can erode and weaken. You certainly care, I will grant you that, but you make the mistake of assuming what you do is what we want. What is more likely to happen is that the victim recognises that they are being abused or if they do not use that word, they do at least realise that the way they are being treated in a way which is wrong, unpleasant or disrespectful. When I speak everybody listens because what I have to say is brilliant, great and of tremendous import. You increase your resistance through reading and understanding, through the imposition of a solid no contact regime, by applying a rigorous purging of the emotional infection so it is driven to the lowest level and by the building of Logic Defences. You are tearing me in half. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. The Greater Narcissist adopts a triumvirate approach to any allegation that he or she is an abuser Through Total Rejection, the Greater Narcissist will just dismiss the allegation. The Lesser tends to use physical violence, sexual violence, verbal violence and property destruction as the main methods of implementing abuse and exerting control. Ask anyone and they will agree with me. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. There is an upside you know. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. No witnesses, no observers, no evidence. All armour must be updated, maintained and checked otherwise the shield splits, the chainmail links weaken and the breastplate shatters more readily. If you still attend and we are there with the new IPPS we will stay out of your way. Do not forget that we have a huge need to control and abuse is a significant method of control. My silence is always meaningful You may sit quietly because you have no need to say anything. You want to challenge us but as ever it is you that will be criticised for creating a scene. Yes, you won’t establish that paradise that exists when we seduce you, but it never actually existed to begin with. It is designed to have you come after us, try to contact us and beg and plead so that you fuel us. You want to breathe new life into you and me. When I first met you I thought you could be special.  Little did I know just how disappointing you would turn out to be – but at one point I saw something in you that caught my attention. If this is not working we will issue you with threats, smear you and use Lieutenants to draw negative fuel from you and nullify your attempts to smear and expose us. We of course know all this and we know how powerful our freezing you out in the company of others really is. If they did, they would lose control and lose fuel and therefore they are automatically conditioned to reject any suggestion of culpability or accountability for the abuse. The Narcissist will adopt a defensive response to any accusation of him or her being an abuser. Indeed, in some cases the victim has no awareness until the second, third or even fourth occasion when this happens. True enough, the more aged of our kind sometimes accept these things when their need for fuel diminishes but that need never goes away. You will not receive validation and instead you will face further abuse and manipulation. You try not to say anything when we return late from who knows where. We will appear pleasant but this is just to mask making you feel uncomfortable and anxious. If you react unpleasantly to seeing us with someone else we will make great play of highlighting your jealousy and our entitlement “We had a few dates but she became obsessed and wouldn’t let me alone. It wants you to engage with us and it will find whatever way it can to make you do that. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. It cannot because you cannot control the golden period. No matter how determined you are, no matter how great your resolve, no matter the fact that you put every breath, every ounce of effort in to trying to make things work between you and us so everything is golden, it will never ever work. You can expect that we will spend the evening occupied with giving you malign hoovers in order to draw fuel from you in the absence of the IPPS. She seemed to think we were an item and I could not see someone else. We may not turn up when we have agreed to a date with you, in order to reinforce how you mean so little to us and that we have any number of more pressing engagements to attend to than dine with you in a restaurant. That is emotional thinking. When I shoot you down, I become more powerful as the fuel flows from you. After everything that I have done for you. I'm dating a narcissist. They are only friends with you because they are friends of mine. The higher the narcissist, the nastier these comments will be as your vulnerabilities and hurt are shoved in your face:- “I see you are not with anyone. This is because the Lesser operates in a rudimentary fashion through the sudden explosion of heated fury. I do not know where you end and I begin. The easiest way for this to happen is by repeatedly exposing yourself to engaging with us. If we get wind before the event that you are attending it is extremely likely that we will hoover you BEFORE the event in order to warn you against attending. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. You may remain silent because you are listening to somebody else or just enjoying the silence.  We do not allow silence to be used in such a passive and redundant fashion. When we sit in silence we are not savouring the lack of noise, we are thinking, planning and plotting, calculating our next step. You cannot remove it and thus you will not achieve immunity. We deploy silence through gestures. Relationship versus friendship.

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. It is coming to them as it came to you. You move on to something else, be it a single life with new pursuits or finding a new person who shares your interests. Your indefatigable spirit teeters on the brink of misplaced pride at not telling tales and instead knuckling down, irrespective of what is thrown at you, in order to bring about a resolution to our problems. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. Unrefined, vulgar and crass, the response of the Lesser to being wounded or the need to exert control is to lash out in a bullying and obvious manner. Still, you exhibit that indefatigable spirit as you try once more, looking to rekindle that special love we once had. Thank God I got rid of you.” “I have had a bet with my Lieutenants that you will be drunk and blowing some waiter in the car park by midnight. Again, in our world, the need to maintain control and the fact that abuse facilitates control results in its validation. Gen y relationships. Yes, you may be able to achieve this for a very short time and yes, you may not be giving much fuel, but it is there all the same. The absent silent treatment is also a key indicator that we are engaged in the seduction of a new prospect and providing this person with our false love and attention, which we have removed from you. If the IPPS is not with us and you are pleasant throughout, we will hoover you in a benign way. Leaving you alone in bed, our side of the bed now empty and cold is also a hammer blow to your confidence and self esteem as we choose the spare room, the sofa or the bed of another in preference to being with you during the night. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. Firstly, when we find someone else after we have shot you down, keep in mind they will eventually be riddled with bullet holes no matter how happy we both appear at first. The silent telephone call from a withheld number, used when we are hoovering you, is designed to put you on edge. You retreat, back-off and compromise, giving away more and more of yourself and your life as you try to succeed. Your other half is more interested in the home brew and the latest episode on television. Sometimes there is a glimmer of a return or even a brief sortie to that promised land once again and you know that your repeated trying has succeeded. Do not voluntarily test it, that is giving in to emotional thinking and taking an unnecessary risk – save its strength for when it is really needed because those moments will indeed come. I made it clear that was not the case but she is obviously crazy and has the wrong idea.” You can expect you will be devalued in the exchange and then we will move away from you with the IPPS and you will then be dis-engaged with. You want to upbraid us for our childish sulking but you have learned that the consequences of doing so are not worth suffering. Our new IPPS will be mentioned in glowing terms so you are within earshot. Silence is easy to deploy and horrendously effective in securing our aims of compliance, control and fuel. You are resistant but not immune. You may well be feeding us useful information in the course of the conversation which we can use to our advantage. For now you must suffer in silence