And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something. And at first, it drove me nuts. That emotion meant love! That excitement was how I knew I cared for her! But suddenly, life was this grind. Even when I was with her. when I was with her. And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger.
Shidduch - Wikipedia. I didn’t love my wife on that second date. But as time has gone on, I also realized that she knew something that I didn’t. And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile. She knew, even if I didn’t, what love really is. Being sappy isn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving.
Hasidic dating. I’m a ridiculous, emotional, over-sentimental sap. I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. I can’t imagine a bigger lie. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable. It’s sad to see just how common all the above is. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. I didn’t even love her when we got married. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common. Loveless marriages. Divorce. And that whole time I was swooning. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. This look of absolute love. One that was soft and so beautiful. Those people deserve better. We all deserve better. But eventually it became clear. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. But then we got married, and everything changed. But I think it had an effect on me. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. Because love isn’t an emotion. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn’t love.
Shidduchim Boot Camp For Bochurim - Rabbi Manis Friedman. I still remember her reaction. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. Then she nodded and looked off into the sky. I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives. No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own. From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Like, when I offered to do the dishes. Or make dinner after she had a hard day. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for