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A person who always wants to be left a loan. Baseball Dugout: A whine cellar. Fudgel: Pretending to work when you’re not actually doing anything at all. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights. Florida: A place you go in winter, and usually find it. Eating utensil made obsolete by the discovery of fingers. The pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. Housefly: A small insect with wings, six legs and a roof. Air Traffic Control: A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. Showing respect with your mouth wide open. Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money. Download: Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup. Best People: The ones your wife knew before she married you. The art of letting someone else get your way. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. A game played on squares by squares. Cymbal: What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your gun with. Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place. Great Firewall of China : The internet blocking system which prevents access for Chinese internet users to sites deemed undesirable by the Chinese government. Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. A person who believes that any man who has more money than he, is the oppressor of the masses. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.Department Store Detective: Counter spy. Bamboo: Eye-pleasing, but extremely expensive and difficult-to-maintain type of rod, used primarily by anglers who fish for compliments. Dating joe black eyeliner. Herpetologist: One who studies the domesticated animal belonging to the lady of the house. Chaining: A method of securing programmers to their desks to speed up their productivity. Excessively and shallowly emotional in an extroverted way. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire, at least in a small way.

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. Hackchoo: When you sneeze and cough at the same time.

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. Equestrian: One who asks questions. Bridge Partner: A person who is undesirable if he has a one-trick mind. Eternal Triangle: Diapers. And the word was ’Aardvark’. Encumber: The watery bit in the middle of a cucumber. Fountain Pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store. Careerism: The widespread belief that life offers nothing so sublime as the opportunity to climb two or three steps up the corporate pyramid over a period of forty years. Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone. Botulism: Tendency to make mistakes. Someone who hears the song in our heart and tells us honestly that we're singing out of key. Dress: Woman’s constant endeavor to improve on her skin. Electroplate: What atomic scientists eat their dinner from. Divine: What de grapes grow on. Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. Dogfooding: From the saying, “We eat our own dog food” to mean one uses their own products.

Herr Doctor: A cosmetologist. Dating joe black eyeliner. No point in washing it - just blow it off and put it back in the silverware drawer. Flight Schedule: An entertaining work of paperback fiction. A poem that gets longer the more you read it. A place where you start to turn off your radio and discover you’ve been listening to your neighbour’s. Bribery: Using money as a blindfold. Big Band: When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players. Frightened Flower Arranger: A petrified florist. Executrix: A call girl for CEOs. Size of drinks they order afterward. Coolant: An insect that’s, like, you know, got it all together, dude. High Heels: the invention of a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Acting is all about honesty - if you can fake that, you’ve got it made. Defenceless: Unable to attack. Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. Diatribial: Pertaining to doing office work well below your capability. High Heels: Heels invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example. Frankage: The only known method of sending hot air through the mails. Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass. Blood: The ink of our life’s story. If everything is under control, you’re moving too slowly. A place where you lose things alphabetically. Headlight: A dizzy spell.Headlights: What the car driver uses to blind oncoming drivers. Airhead: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Diode: A pair of two long poems.DIOS: The one true operating system. Diminished Fifth: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Cistern: Opposite of brothern. The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive ski resort parking lots. Depth: Height turned upside down. Broadband: An all girl musical group. Appoint: The thing at the end of your pencil. A man who has got hold of some money and some brains, and is using the money. Doomed: You have created a product that will forever improve the quality of life for every living soul on Earth. Hex Rating: Classification for Harry Potter books. Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents. Baker: A person who kneads the dough. One who marries twice in a wifetime. Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from. The activity of “debugging,” or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.Bugless Program: An abstract theoretical concept. Doctor’s Prescription: Something written on a subway train with a post office pen. Blotter: Something you look for while the ink dries. A way of going broke methodically.Budgeting: The most orderly way of going into debt. Book Review: A brief but informative essay that spares readers the ordeal of digesting an actual book. Ego Surfing, Egosurfing: Scanning the Net, databases & print media, looking for references to one’s own name. Relationship understanding. Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him. Health Tourism: Travel for the purpose of a medical treatment to a country which offers the service at a cheaper rate or higher standard than that available in the traveler’s home country. Flying Buttress: A charging billy goat. Clairvoyant: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead. Bid Opening: Apoker game in which the losing hand wins. Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours. One who will wash up when asked and dry up when told. Blackmail: A letter dropped in a mud puddle. Information that goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth greatly enlarged. Chortle: Small daily tasks.Chortling: Taking care of small daily tasks. Guest: A person for whom you lay out a special towel, which both of you know won’t be.GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.Guide: A person slightly less lost than you, who is paid to decide what to do next. The place many a man thinks his wife is. Convention: An excuse for doing the unconventional.. Head Hunter: The person to see if you have lost your head. Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. An old lady who keeps your mother from spanking you. Brochure: A handbill with kid gloves. Great Timesaver: Love at first sight. Diectra: A drug given to men before leaving on car trips, causing them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost