I was married for six years. Read Next: Ebola vaccine may offer hope to victimsIt was easy for me to believe that I was straight because I was living a completely straight life. If I wanted to be safe from this anti-LGTBQ+ administration I had the option to hide and be safe. I refuse to use my straight privilege to avoid the negative consequences of this administration, and I urge other straight passing people to come out and stand up to this administration as well. When I searched for the definition of Hasbian, I found this: I would argue that said woman is simply reverting to what feels natural. As a gay person; one could argue that you were born gay and did not choose that lifestyle, but I would argue that it is one's choice to put it on display for the world to both see and scrutinize. And in case it wasn’t clear enough, when he officially took office, the LGBTQ+ issues webpage disappeared from the whitehouse.gov website. I could easily oppose this administration without having to say, “I’m gay” and making myself a target. I had not written about being bisexual on my blog or in any of my published work. In fact, I had purposely avoided it. Being gay, I always felt was something that I did; not something that I was. For me; it just seems so played out and pointless; going to the clubs, hooking up with myriad women. Click To Tweet When Trump was elected, I felt some of the pain of my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. LGBTQ+ identifying people took to the Internet to express their rage at being erased from this Administration. But, I think that because it is a made up word, that it is therefore open to interpretation and definition. I told him a sincere and emphatic 'no' and that sufficed. I’m not a lesbian when I’m dating a woman and straight when I’m dating a man. When I named this blog 'My Hasbian Life', I figured I should at least look up the word Hasbian to see how other people define it. Dating a hasbian. Dating a hasbian. When talking about my exes, I used gender neutral pronouns. The voice that I attempted to shut up by getting high and getting drunk. Even with all of that in mind; there's no way that I wouldn't have told him. Their administration has talked about repealing gay marriage. President Trump’s administration has made their position on LGBTQ+ issues pretty clear. By that time, I was pretty sure that I was going to marry this guy I was dating, which meant I would probably never date a woman again. I had no desire to stray from my current relationship with a man, but it was undeniable that we both checked out a beautiful woman when we saw one. I began to embrace my bisexuality. Though I spoke openly about being bisexual to those in my life. But once I was ensconced; there was no turning back. I talked openly about dating women. It’s very common for bisexual people to have their sexuality lost under other labels. I was not walking down the street holding hands with my girlfriend or wife. There are plenty of reasons to be angry and scared. And I still thought about women from time to time, in the private of my own bedroom. To me; they're equally abhorrent and harmful and require equal disclosure. The day after the Election I chose not to be safe. In fact, there are people in my life who didn’t know I was bisexual until the election. When I was dating women, I identified as a lesbian. I didn't choose to be born Black or poor. Clubbing, partying, drinking, smoking, and all of the things that followed; but when it was all said and done; I still felt empty, alone and sad. I was confused all over again. When sexual orientation came up in conversation, I identified as bisexual. I am always bisexual, regardless of who shares my life and my bed. Maybe it was just that time in my life. President Trump and Vice President Pence pose an actual danger to the LGBTQ+ community. There are other things to fight for: reproductive rights, Black Lives Matter, access to healthcare. Click To Tweet I experienced some harsh alienation from the gay community in my area when I started dating a man after years of dating exclusively women. I started erasing the fact that I had ever dated women because I was beginning to believe that it wasn’t a part of my sexuality. Deep down, I knew I was lying to myself about my sexuality. If I were dating a man that used to date men; I'd want to know and would be upset if I weren't informed. Their day to day lives put them in danger. LGTBQ+ people have been enraged and terrified since the election results came in. Click To Tweet But the more I told myself that dating women had been a phase, the more inauthentic I felt. These articles informed me, in no uncertain terms, that sexuality and sexual orientation have nothing to do with the person I’m currently dating. I am a bisexual woman who is married to a man. My friends in openly gay relationships do not that privilege. Click To Tweet In a time where identifying as LGBTQ+ is so scary, it’s easy for straight passing and cis passing people to hide behind their straight privilege. Everything I did was gay; on a Saturday night, I was getting in my gay car with my gay friends to go to a gay club while smoking a gay blunt that I would chase with my gay beer. When I started dating my current husband, I questioned my sexuality entirely. I was still scared of identifying as bisexual on such a large stage. There was a time when I never thought I’d date a man again, so I was completely confused by falling head over heels for this guy. Of course, in heterosexual society, two women being together is sexy. I corrected people who labeled me as straight because of my current relationship. Many of my friends that I knew in 'the life' are still in the life, just as many more have turned away and date men exclusively. I don't think it's fair, even just in terms of intimacy, to not be forthcoming about such a thing. At the time, I was so confused about my own sexuality that I began to believe their narrative. My marriage was not in jeopardy. Those days; my college days mostly; were A LOT of fun. I mean really; as a Black woman, I'm offended by the likening to the Civil Rights movement that the homosexual movement has adopted. Maybe I had never really been gay at all. In hindsight; I probably should not have told him because armed with this information; he used it to prey on my insecurities. I went to urbandictionary.com and found various definitions of Hasbian and I don't agree with most of them. Before the election, I was guilty of this all the time. The general consensus was that I was a ‘hasbian’, a woman who had gone through a lesbian ‘phase’ then gone back to men. All I could think of was how he would react. He told me that my voice was too deep, that I walked like a man, that I was acting 'dykish', at any time that he felt it necessary to assert his husbandly authority over me. There are many reasons for this, including my own struggle with internalized bi-erasure. Back then, I couldn't define what 'something' was but I knew good and well that that it was tied to the still, small voice that was speaking to my heart more often than not.
Is it harder to be part of a lesbian. - Daily Mail Online. When I told my then fiancée my deep, dark, secret. Click To Tweet It would be so easy to spend the next four years staying quiet about my sexuality. Maybe I really was straight.
The great big lesbian dictionary - DIVA Magazine. And, since all of my friends were gay; I risked being deemed a traitor, turncoat, or, God forbid. We should be putting our lives on the line with all our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. They support the trans discriminatory bathroom bills that are being passed throughout the county. As a Hasbian, I have a very unique perspective as to what the lesbian lifestyle offers and does to women. I didn't choose to be born a female. Whereas two men being together is disgusting and risky. I was still attracted to women. People that met me after my current husband and I started dating had no idea that I’d ever dated women, and I started avoiding talking about the fact that I had.. Since the last woman I've dated; I have 'come out' to all of the significant men in my life as a woman who used to sleep with women.
Mike Pence has even admitted that he believes in using electroshock therapy to ‘treat’ gay people, because he believes homosexuality is a disease. I used gender specific pronouns when I talked about my exes. Being a Hasbian has absolutely affected my post lesbian relationships. For me; that was certainly the case. My safety wasn’t threatened if my husband and I kissed in public. For me; messing with women was a choice; something that I fell into and chose not to quit. It wasn't something that I could explain, let alone, share with my lovers, I knew they wouldn't get it. I have been with that man for over five years and it’s been a long time since my bisexuality was noticeable